Falling for you
by IrisQueen
Summary: Alex never knew she could fall for someone like Birkhoff. Set in season 1
1. Chapter 1

Age: Teen

Disclaimer: I don't own any Nikita property and/or characters.

Spoiler Alert. Story doesn't correlate with actual episodes.

Set in season 1

Summary: Alex never knew she could fall for someone like Birkhoff.

Falling for you.

_Left, right, left, right… _My long legs ran on the treadmill. My ponytail hopped wildly as I jogged. My fists were balled and there was a frown on my delicate face.

I feel so empty without Thom. I feel so… lonely. I haven't communicated with Nikita in almost two weeks. The story about how she escaped was still being whispered in the hallways and cafeteria. People think Thom was the mole.

I feel so guilty. I didn't want it to end like this… with him in the ground and me the hero.

The Division agents were all very proud of me for stopping Nikita's mole and saw me as a future partner. I didn't like being congratulated for something I did wrong. For killing someone who was innocent. I felt like a monster.

"Well, if it isn't Division's new protégé!" I heard a sarcastic woman voice approach my location. I sighed and cursed under my breath. I really didn't have the patience for her right now.

"What do you want Jaden?" I asked.

"Me…want something from you? Please!" She arched her eyebrow when I, irritated, looked up to see her dark face.

"Good, 'cause you're not getting anything!" I said and slowed the treadmill down enough for me to get off**.**

"I wasn't planning on."

"Then why are you still in front of me?" I asked and I saw her eyes widen. I didn't mean that to come out that harsh.

'I came to say congrats. You stopped Nikita's mole. Oh no, wait. You didn't. You killed Thom and framed him." She growled. She looked like she was about to pounce on me and pull my hair out.

"Jaden, when are you going to stop being so… so… childishly paranoid? I mean, do you really care so much about ruining my life? Damn girl, get a hobby, you're so superficial!" I walked by her.

"I'm on to you, Alex!" She said loud. "I will prove that you're guilty!" She told me and I raised my eyebrows, rolled my eyes and walked away.

"Must be the drugs!" I laughed and I heard her tusk.

I stormed down to my room and slammed the door shut and threw my towel on my bed.

I fell down against the door and laid my head in my hands and sighed. I seldom thought about my life, but now was one of those times.

One of those times when you just ask yourself: "What am I doing here?" or "How'd I get here?"

I felt tears forming when my eye fell on the small CD-player on my desk.

The one Thom gave me a while back before I…

I shook my head, trying to get that terrifying memory out of my mind. I sat there for about half n hour, thinking about Nikita and Division and other mental barriers I have.

I felt the beads of sweat dry on my skin.

I heard footsteps. Somewhere in the hall, maybe. It came closer and closer to my bedroom door. It stopped and it was dead-silent until I heard three faint knocks on my door.

I didn't make an attempt to get up, not even thinking about answering.

"Alex? Are you in there?" I heard a voice. It sounded very familiar, but I'm not good in identifying voices.

"Nobody's home!" I shouted after about half a minute.

"Alex? Come on, open up!" I heard the voice again. This time, I knew who it was.

"Michael?" I stuttered. What was _he_ of all people doing here.

"Duh! Who'd you think? Tho-?ˮ He quickly silenced himself. He knew I was having a hard time with that. He knew we were close.

"Sorry…" He said. I could barely hear his voice.

"What do you want, Michael?" I asked, trying to sound tough and dangerous.

"I… Birkhoff wanted to know how you were doing. We saw what happened with you and Jaden-ˮ

"Tell Birkhoff I'm fine!" I shouted, but my voice broke a little at the last few words, making it sound like I'm crying.

"Sure doesn't sound that way!" He said and I could almost hear the cocky smile plastered on his face.

"Michael, you're one step from being taken to the infirmary!" I shouted and I heard him step back from the door.

"Okay, well, since you're so spirited, I'll just be going!" I heard him turn and walk away.

I laid my head in my hands once again and slowly shook it. Why am I pushing everyone away?

I tasted a salty tear flowing over my lips.

I felt the walls closing in on me, crushing my personal space-bubble. I scratched the side of my face.

I looked up to the roof and let out a very loud yell.

"Ahhhhh!" I screamed to the roof and hugged my knees tighter to my body as I started crying. My whole body shook.

Through my hysterical sobs, I didn't hear someone running towards my bedroom door and harshly knocking.

"Alex, what's going on in there?" I heard someone shout. The knocking continued.

I cried harder. I can't take this anymore! I want out. I want to get out of Division and be free!

I was shocked back into reality when my door swung open and revealed a very angry Birkhoff on the other side.

His fists were balled and there was an expression on his face that scared the hell out of me.

"Alex, are you okay?" His expression softened as he saw my terrified figure rolled up into a ball.

I tried to speak. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, so I just gave him a tiny nod and wiped a tear away.

He walked into my room without hesitation and checked my bathroom if the room was clear before he pulled the chair from my desk in front of me and sat backwards in it, facing me. I didn't make eye contact as he stared down at me.

I just looked to my right at the wall, finding something interesting about the white paint.

A few times he cleared his throat, but I ignored it, pretending that I didn't hear it.

"So…are you going to tell me what this is all about?" He asked after ten minutes.

"What do you care anyway?" I asked and hugged my knees tighter to my body.

"Me? Care? Please!" He snorted.

I gave him a hurtful look and fixed my eyes on the previous piece of wall again. He sighed.

"Alex, if this still is about the whole Thom tragedy-ˮ He started.

"Don't!" I said.

"Alex, you have to move on-ˮ

"I said don't!" I shouted. "You don't know what it's like, Birkhoff! To kill the person you loved! I don't care what Division says about relationships, I loved Thom and I killed him! And he didn't do anything!" I shouted and started crying.

Birkhoff jumped up and sat beside me. I wiped my tears away to make room for more. I saw from the corner of my eye he was looking at me.

Out of pure instinct and nothing else, I leaned against him. I felt his sit up strait, discomfort radiating from his body.

"Um, Alex?" He asked and cleared his throat.

"I could really use hug right now." I said and wrapped my arms around his waist. He mumbled something to low for me to catch and I felt him, hesitantly, laid his hand on my back.

"It's going to be okay…" He said and I started crying again.

"No… it's not. I killed him… and he was innocent. He didn't ever do anything wrong. It's my fault. I killed an innocent guy!" I kept repeating through my sobs.

"Alex, he was Nikita's mole. Don't say he didn't do anything!" He told me but I only shook my head.

"No…he wasn't." I whispered. I felt Birkhoff remove his arm from my back and shift his pose.

"Alex, what's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"I… I am Nikita's mole…" I whispered and didn't try to make eye contact. He got up.

"I don't believe you. I honestly don't, Alex!" He got to his feet.

"Well, life's full of disappointments!" I said bluntly and sighed.

"I didn't want anyone to know, so… so I framed him. Made it look like he was her mole…" I took my chance and looked up to meet his shocked eyes.

"I…I…" He stuttered.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you'd run off to Amanda. Tell her that you found the real mole and take my place in the spotlight!" I got up to sit on my bed.

He just continued staring at me.

"I'm not going to tell her, you know!" He said and my eyes widened. He came to sit next to me on the edge of the bed.

"Why not? This is your chance! Birkhoff, Division's been treating you like crap. You're only good enough when you can locate someone or run tests. If you find the real mole, you'd be a hero!" I explained but his expression remained the same.

"And then they cancel you. Kill you." He said in monotone.

"My life is a mess. The only big event still to happen is death. At least one of us will live a happy life!" I whispered. I turned my head away from him.

"Alex, I'm not going to tell her. I'm not going to turn you in." He crossed his arms.

"I though you said you didn't care." I couldn't hide the smile spreading over my lips.

"I don't!" He protested immediately. "I just… Nikita meant a lot to me when she was here. It would crush her if I got you killed!" He said and got up.

"Birkhoff?" I said when he was almost out of the room.

He groaned. "Yes?"

"Thanks." I smiled at him. He sighed and walked out, leaving me alone, once again, in silence.

***So whatcha think? So, this is my second fic and I really love reviews, so please R&R! Thanks!***


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I sat in silence in front of the computer 22:37 on Wednesday night, trying to gather courage to send her the message. My fingers just refused to obey my mind's instructions. I laid my shaking hands on the keys of the keyboard as I entered the shell-network.

It's been three weeks since I've sat in this chair to talk to Nikita. I wondered how she was doing.

I entered my password and username and the familiar black screen appeared. I inhaled and started typing.

**Hello sensei, are you there?**

I pressed the send-button and my fingers drummed on the table surface. I checked the sending time. Two minutes. She usually replied within the first thirty seconds.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" I heard a stern voice behind me.

I started panicking and in one fluent movement, I exited the shell-network, shut the computer down, got up and bravely faced the stranger.

"Oh, it's just you!" I sighed and giggled.

"Just me, huh? Did you forget that I could easily turn you in?" Birkhoff crossed his arms and frowned.

I smiled and walked to where he was standing. He was on the catwalk's fourth step. I stood on the ground and looked up at his harsh face. I smiled and I saw his expression shift from angry to confused.

"You won't turn me in." I basically said.

"Oh really? Why not?" He raised his eyebrow.

"You're not that type of person. You're a good person, a little weird, though, but good none the less." I tilted my head, but he just stood there, frowning.

"Were you just talking to Nikita?" He nodded in the way of the computer behind me.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I lied.

"You're lying." He said almost immediately.

"How do you know?" I asked sceptically.

"Whenever you lie, you absent-mindedly raise your eyebrow." He pointed at my eyebrow, which was still arched.

"So I ask again. Were you just talking to Nikita?" He asked, trying to hide his amusement.

"Fine, I did try to talk to her, but only to hear how she was. Either way, she's not answering." I looked back at the computer.

"You sure don't hide the details from me, do you?" He stepped down the small steps and walked to the computer.

"Well, that's because… I… I trust you, Birkhoff."

"If I had a penny…" He growled and took a seat in front of the screen and switched it on.

The home screen appeared on the computer and Birkhoff started typing. Too fast for me to follow, though.

I walked over to the computer myself and bent over Birkhoff's shoulder to see the screen as well.

"Whatcha looking for?" I asked innocently.

"The program you use. I want to see it." He said, eyes never leaving the screen.

I lifted my hand and laid it on his right hand, which was glued to the mouse. I felt him flinch as I slowly moved the cursor to the top left corner of the screen and clicked on the small shell icon.

I quickly removed my hand from his and stuck it in my pants pocket.

He opened the program and moved out of the way for me to type in the username and password. I pressed enter and the conversation space opened. My previous message, which I sent earlier, was still displayed and was still without answer.

I sighed. "Happy now?" I asked, sounding beaten.

"So…this is how you've communicated with her? A shell-network?" He asked, eyes darting around the screen.

"Yeah." I simply said.

"For how long have you been talk-ˮ Birkhoff turned his face to my side, but stopped talking when he saw how close our faces were. I could basically feel his breath on my skin when he exhaled.

There was shock in his eyes. I just stood there, frozen in his gaze.

"Umm, I guess we've been talking since I got here." I said and I stepped back from my position.

"Does anyone else know about this program?" He asked, still kind of hesitant.

"Just Nikita, you and me. And I'd like to keep it that way, so please...just for a while, continue being the weird nerdy bossy Birkhoff I know and love! You're the only friend I have left in here!" I said, almost crying and I turned and ran up the stairs.

I quickly stopped around the corner to listen to his reaction, which came pretty quick.

"Friend?" He whispered. I peeked around the corner just in time to see a small smile appear on his lips.

I smiled and tip-toed to my bedroom and fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

If I ever get out of here, I swear I'm going to buy out McDonalds. The food they serve us here is disgusting. Today's menu: Bread, mystery meat and green peas that looked like sewage algae. Yum yum!

I stared down at my messy plate. I felt my stomach turn at the sight of the food, which I strongly believe is still alive. For such an important asset of the government with so much money, they sure serve the recruits crap.

I sat alone in the small, white cafeteria table. Other recruits sat in small groups, chattering and laughing like Thom and I used to. But Thom isn't here anymore. I am alone.

I carefully poked my mystery meat with my fork. It wobbled and I felt my face being drained of blood.

I lost my appetite placed my hands on my lap. I started looking around the room to see what the other recruits were doing. There was Robbie. As always, he was bragging about his skills and how he can't wait to graduate.

There, in the corner, sat Claire. She was an extreme extrovert and I could hear her talking from where I sat, roughly 5 tables away.

I also spotted Jaden, who looked up as soon as she felt someone looking at her. She gave me a angry scowl and continued chatting with her table mates. I just gave her a sarcastic smile and continued my scouting.

My eyes fell on the computer lab where Amanda, Percy, Michael and Birkhoff sat and talked.

I saw Michael looking at me and our eyes connected. The worry lines were plastered on his forehead and the typical Michael-expression was, as always, portrayed on his face.

I blinked a few times before my eyes moved to Birkhoff, who just got up and read something from the portable screen he was carrying in his hand. Michael instinctively followed my gaze and saw what I was looking at and smiled and raised an eyebrow. I just looked down the table surface.

When I carefully looked up, Michael was gone but Birkhoff was still standing next to Amanda, who was clearly giving everyone more orders. Birkhoff was clearly irritated with _her royal highness_ and I could almost hear him arguing.

He shook his head and balled his fist, which wasn't a good sign at all. Us recruits ought to know he usually did that when we messed up during hacking class.

He suddenly turned away from her and she stared at him, turned and marched away on those thin heels.

Birkhoff fell down on his usual seat and laid his head in his hands. His hair was messed up and he looked beaten. Broken. I hated it when Percy and Amanda use him as their personal lab rat. In their eyes, he was only worth-it when they could get some information or locations from him.

As if he knew I was thinkin about him, he looked up to where I was sitting.

I mouthed if he was okay, but he only got up and stormed out of the room. I sighed.

I only tried to help, but Birkhoff… the only way he could fight his anger was to push the people who cared about him and who supported him, away.

I looked at my food one more time and felt my stomach cringe in fear and pain.

I quickly got up and disposed the plate of food and ran up the steps of the catwalk surrounding the cafeteria. In the run, I quickly glanced behind me to see if anyone was following me. I smiled when I saw I was alone, but in front of me, I felt two strong arms catch me.

I jerked to a stop and looked up to the person who interrupted my run. I mean, this wasn't a hostel; there wasn't any No-Running-In-Hallways rule. I stared up at the tall, dark and humid man in front of me.

"Going somewhere?" Michael asked and let go of my small frame.

"As a matter of fact, yes I am!" I said, irritated and tried to scoot pass him, but he quickly blocked my way.

I exhaled and looked up. "Michael, please get out of my way. I asked nicely.

"You know, food is what gives us energy. We don't want you to pass out in class again, do we? You better go eat your lunch!" He said. What was he, my father?

"Lunch? That road-kill? I'll pass but thanks for the tempting offer, though." I said and quickly shot pass him to continue my run.

I ran to the recruits' computer lab, which was off limits unless if you're attending a class. Other than that, no one is allowed in there, which is exactly why I'm going there.

I came rushing around a corner and smiled when I saw Birkhoff sitting in my seat. I don't know why, but every time I see him, I smile. I tip-toed down the stairs and leaned over his shoulder.

He didn't notice me though. Instead, he was scurrying around the shell-network.

"Having trouble?" I broke the silence.

He jumped I his seat and jerked his head in my direction.

"Alex! What are you doing here?" He yelled but I quickly covered his mouth with my hand and motioned him to shut up. I heard footstep. Heavy, fast.

It was one of the guards. Lloyd, probably. He always busts me when I'm in this lab after curfew, but he never turns me in.

But if he catches me here with Birkhoff and a network I've been using to talk to Nikita… That might change things.

I grabbed Birkhoff by the hand and pulled him out of his seat.

"Alex, what-ˮ He whispered.

"Shh!" I place a finger over my mouth and pulled him into a janitor's closet around the corner.

It was dark and neither of us was breathing. I could almost hear my heartbeat in my ears as Lloyd walked past the door and stopped dead in his tracks. He stood there for a few seconds before spinning on his heels and walking away.

As I heard him walk up the 5 steps and continuing his patrols down the hall, I sighed with relief.

"Birkhoff, are you okay?" I whispered into the pitch black space.

"Yeah, um, Alex?" He asked.

I turned my head in the direction his voice was coming from.

"Yes?"

"Where are we?" He asked and I bent down. I've used this room to hide in, in more then one occasion. The day after I discovered this secret room, I planted a flashlight under one of the buckets. I knew it would come in handy and no one used the room anymore.

I lifted the right bucket to pick up the small flashlight and stood up again.

I switched it on.

"Ouch!" I heard Birkhoff say.

"Sorry." I said and lowered the light. I never really knew how small this space was…especially if you tried to fit two fully grown people in it.

Birkhoff rubbed his eyes.

Our faces were roughly 15 cm from each other's.

We stared at each other for a few seconds. His brown eyes staring right through my most private secrets and thoughts.

"Uh, we should…be going." I quickly said and made an attempt to exit the room, but unfortunately tripped over something and came crashing down on Birkhoff.

He caught me in his arms and, in the action, I placed my hand on either sides of his head on the wall behind him.

Our noses were touching and my eyes were closed.

"You okay?" He asked after I came to my senses. When I opened my eyes, I saw how much closer he was.

"Yeah… more that okay." I whispered and slowly leaned forward in attempt to kiss him.

He quickly turned his face away before our lips touched. He sighed and helped my stand upright again before quickly exiting the room.

When he was halfway down the hall, I realized what just happened.

I looked down at my hand. The flashlight was still there, so what just happened… was real.

In the dark, I was alone. Rejected and, probably, once again…

Friendless


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I sat in silence as Amanda casually walked in front of me.

I've just been activated for my first mission and she's briefing me.

"It's only a recover mission, so you don't have to worry about the kill part. This man," She brought up a picture of an American man. "George Hudson, has valuable information about both Division and Oversight. I need you to recover this information. Now, I know you're not the computer wiz needed for this mission, so I'm sending Birkhoff with you."

She stopped in front of me and smiled.

"You two are to act as a couple at tonight party Hudson is throwing. The computer containing the information is in the master bedroom in the west wing of the room. Transfer the information into this." She handed me a memory stick.

"Anything else?" I asked after getting up to look at the beautiful ruby dress I was going to wear.

"No. Back-up will be close by in case something doesn't go according to plan. You leave in two hours." She smiled and left me to my thoughts.

I sighed and gently touched the silky dress with my hand. This is going to be the first time I exit Division in more than 2 months. I picked up the dress and jogged to my room. I carefully laid the dress on my bed. I placed the matching shoes next to it and walked to the bathroom. I started the shower and undress, hanging a towel over the shower door.

The warm water felt good on my skin. I rinsed my hear and shaved, For a few minutes, I just stood under the steaming water. I thought about the passing occurrences. I thought about the mission, the party, Thom, last night…

Last night.

I still don't understand what happened or what came over me. Maybe I hit my head against something or maybe it was just the moment and scenario that lead me to do what I did.

What ever it was, I better fix it. What if Birkhoff was mad and never wanted to talk to me ever again? What if I freaked him out so much, that he'll go tell Amanda that I'm the mole? They will cancel me and Nikita will be very sad and angry with Birkhoff and hurt him.

I shook my head and rinsed my face to get back to my senses.

I turned the water down and grabbed the towel down from above me. When I got out, quickly dried my body and tightly wrapped the towel around my slim form.

I got dressed in my purple robe and rubbed my hair dry. I quickly got dressed in the stunning dress and shoes and fixed my jewellery and make up. I really looked beautiful, if I do say so myself. For a while I've paraded in front of my mirror.

I was just finished taking a bow, when there was knock onmy door. Thinking it was Amanda checking up on me, I just shouted that it was open.

I heard the door open as I stood in front of my mirror, fixing my hair.

"Uh, hi." I heard from behind me. It most definitely wasn't Amanda.

I turned to see who my visitor was, when I almost gasped. A black tuxedo with a white shirt and ruby coloured rose and cocky smile on the face.

"Birkhoff?" I asked and took a step closer to him.

"Well, duh? Who'd you think?" He asked, sarcastic as ever.

"No, it' just… you look so-ˮ

"Different? I know, Amanda thought she could just play dress-up with me!" He growled and his hand reached up to remove the bow-tie.

"No! It looks nice." I said and walked over to straiten it for him. To be honest, he really looked handsome tonight.

I kept my eyes fixed to the tie and he kept his fixed to the roof. I could sense that he was uncomfortable.

"Listen Birkhoff, about last night… I don't know what I was thinking! Wait, that's it, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to…I know you are a mayo rule follower, so I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable…" I gave the bow-tie an extra pull and backed away.

He looked at me with a expression on his face that I couldn't read. He jut stood there looking at me.

"It's fine. If anything, I'm the one to blame. I was the one who went there anyway. I should've known you'd come check up on me." He looked down to the floor and his leather shoes.

"I only came to make sure you were okay. I came because I care about you Birkhoff!" I practically shouted.

"Whatever. If you're ready, I'll be waiting outside." He mumbled and quickly left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Drama queen!" I said loudly and packed my handbag and left the room.

***Hi! I tried to update s fat as I could! Please R&R!***


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey my awesome fans! I kind of messed up in Chapter 3, like all of know, but I fixed it. Looks like I left out a sentence, making it sound just plain wrong! So the next chapter will be up tomorrow! You guys rock! Please keep on reviewing!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

The car ride to the party was silent. Neither of us said a word. At some point I was too scared to breathe. He occasionally cleared his throat or sighed, but that was the interaction range.

I was growing a little inpatient with his drama and turned my head to look at him.

He quickly sensed it and looked in my direction.

"What?" He asked, acting like there was absolutely nothing wrong with the awkward silence.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked and he frowned.

"What?"

"This. This silent treatment. It's kind of scaring me. One moment we're secretly working together and now you act as if I don't exist." I said and looked away from him out the window next to me.

I looked at the cars and people rushing by us. I just wish I could live a normal life like most people. It's so unfair.

"What you said in your room…about caring…did you mean it?" He said, almost whispered.

I was taken aback by this question, but I didn't show it.

I turned to him. He was keeping his eyes on the road. I could tell that he was confused. He was definitely keeping something from me.

"Yes… I did." I simply said. "Since Thom, you're the first person I've cared about. The only friend I have in Division." I told him and saw him frown. I looked through my window again. I felt him turn and then we could faintly hear music.

We were getting closer to the venue.

"I'm never going to get used to that." He suddenly said.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I'm never going to get used to having a friend or someone who cares about me." He said and closed his eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"I've never, like really had a friend before…" He coughed out and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He really was a great person. Under that mask of logic and arrogance, there was a lonely guy, shouting for some company.

"Well, you do have now, Birkhoff!" I said and smiled when he looked in my direction.

He smiled back but his smile disappeared when a huge mansion came into our view. The mansion stood 3 stories high and the music was much louder than before.

"And I though we were going to have trouble finding this place!" Birkhoff breathed.

"Let's get to work." I said and grabbed my duffle bag from the seat behind me.

We quickly ran into cover behind a bush. I handed Birkhoff a pair of earpieces so we could communicate. I handed him a pistol with a silencer. He took it, but only stared at it where it was lying in his hands.

"You never know what might turn up!" I told him. He nodded and carefully placed it in the back of his pants like Michael used to do.

Next I took out a medium sized strap out which had a huge loop in it. I pulled up my dress and strapped it around my thigh.

I picked up my gun and pushed it in the loop and let my dress casually fall over the baggage, concealing it completely.

I put my earpieces in their place and placed the memory stick Amanda gave me, in Birkhoff's jacket pocket.

"Let's go." He said and started walking.

"Remember, we're supposed to be a couple." I reminded him. He sighed and offered his right arm. I took it and, side by side, we walked into the mansion.

The place was beautifully decorated. There were butlers carrying champagne around on trays, a well-dressed orchestra playing music and people standing around and a few dancing.

"Hudson, four-o-clock." Birkhoff said and I quickly looked in the direction.

There was George Hudson, standing in back of the room, surrounded with a few gentlemen.

"I'll get Hudson to take me to the master bedroom, you stay close behind us. Listen out, I'll be calling in." I told him and seductively walked towards the group of men and took a seat at the bar near to where Hudson was standing.

I heard him excuse himself from the conversation. He walked towards me.

"Dirty martini, dry." He told the bartender and glanced in my direction.

"You enjoying the party?" He asked me.

"It's okay, I guess." I said and gave him and lopsided smile.

"Too bad. I'm George Hudson."

"Danielle Ryann" I simply said and took a sip of my champagne.

"What is it you do, Danielle Ryann" He leaned on his elbow to face me.

"Indoors designer. I specialize in renovation and decoration of indoor environments, and you?"

"I'm a government worker. You said you're an indoors designer? That a coincidence, for I was just on the look out for someone who could help me with the decoration of the upper floors, I recently moved in, you know!" He told me and I pretended to give a crap.

"I'd love to, Mr. Hudson. I'd like to start tonight, though. Would you be so kind as to give me a quick tour of the house, just so I can see what I'm working with." I fluttered my lashes and he just smiled and nodded.

We stood up and he led me across the room. He placed his hand on the small of my back and I quickly switched on my earpiece.

"I'm on the move, follow." I quickly spit out.

"Did you say something?" Hudson asked.

"No, I just have a really good feeling about this place!" I lied and his smile grown bigger.

As we walked up the huge staircase, I quickly turned to face him.

"Why don't we start with the master bedroom? It is the most important room in the house after all!' I said and he nodded in agreement.

"Yes, of course!" He turned and I let him lead the way. I reached for my ear.

"Clear." I said and saw Birkhoff coming around the corner and silently walking up the staircase as I entered the room.

I entered the room. It was magnificent.

"Beautiful colour construction, and the ceilings! Very 1897, if I'd guess. This room sure is a portrait on a canvas with only a few details to be submitted." I walked around the room before turning and smiling.

"So, what do you think is needed in here?" He asked.

I threw another look around the room.

"Mmm, a little of this, a little of that and a whole lot of-ˮ I finished my sentence with an unexpected punch in the face and kick in the stomach. He fell down against the wall, unconscious.

Birkhoff came around the corner and looked down on the unconscious body.

"You know, a simple 'coast clear' would have sufficed, you didn't need to crack the bloody wall!" He said and I basically rolled my eyes and walked over to the computer I spotted during my scope of the room.

Birkhoff moved pass me and inserted the memory stick into the computer drive and started working his "Mojo" as he likes to call it. He was still typing when I heard someone run up the stairs.

"Hurry up, the guards are coming!" I said and he only waved it off. I grunted and hid behind the door.

I knew very well that I could rush him. I just had to handle the guards while he was finishing.

The footsteps grown louder and soon enough, a huge, bald man came through the door, his eyes fixed on Birkhoff. I quickly shot my hand out, hitting him on his throat, paralyzing his vocal chords, shutting him up. I punched him in the stomach, causing him to bend over so I can punch him from below, causing him to flip over on his back.

"Done!" Birkhoff said and retrieved the memory stick and joined me at the door and stared down at the body.

"Nice work!' He said.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I pulled him out of the room and down the stairs. My whole right part of my body hurt. Sure, punching bags in the shape of big guys were one thing, but actually fighting one…that's a totally different story.

"Alex, how's your swinging arm?" He asked and stared out in front of him.

"Not to good, why?" I asked when we were re-united with the rest of the crowd.

"We've got more company!" He said and pointed at the four huge bodyguards coming towards us.

"Damn it!" I yelled under my breath. I was in no condition of fighting. My right arm and leg were cramping like crazy and I was feeling dizzy.

"Plan B." Birkhoff said. I turned my head and opened my mouth to question him.

But before I could even get a sound out, he grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me closer until my lips was touching his.

My whole body relaxed. After a second I realize what was happening and I broke the off the kiss. I stared at him in utter shock.

"Birkhoff, what are you-ˮ I tried to ask.

He pulled me closer again. "Shut up and kiss me!" He said, sounding urgent as he pulled me closer again.

This time, I didn't argue. I could kill him about it, later. I suddenly felt my stomach turn in delight as he kissed me. It felt like me legs were going to give in.

I was definitely dreaming.

Too early, he broke off the kiss and looked behind me. I followed his gaze and saw the guards, which we saw earlier, run up the stairs. Then I realized what Plan B was.

He saw the guards and knew we had to disable ourselves from their suspicion. In other words, become invisible.

And it was a brilliant plan, honestly. After all, we were supposed to be a couple.

Then why did I suddenly feel sad? Why do I feel hurt?

I felt Birkhoff grab my arm, which immediately shook me back into reality.

"Come on, we need to leave before they come back down again. We have what we need." He said and steered me across the room towards the exit. We ran to the car and sped off.

"Well done, Miss Danielle Ryann, mission accomplished." He said, very proud of himself.

"Yeah…" I whispered.

"Something wrong?" He asked while speeding down the not-so-busy streets.

"No, nothings wrong. Just a little…ˮ I said and looked back at him.

"Just a little hurt." Let's hope he thinks I'm talking about my arm.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

When I got back to Division, I felt like a recruit again. Like I've been thrown into a bottomless pit with no lights at the end of the tunnel. I slumped into my room and the first thing I saw was reflection in the mirror across the room.

I shifted my gaze to my bed.

I, effortlessly, undressed and spread the dress out on my bed. I kicked my shoes off and I walked to my bedside table. As I pulled the drawer open, my make up remover came into my sight. I smiled and took it out with some tissues and I walked to my white bathroom.

I grabbed my robe on the way and got dressed.

I stood in front of the mirror above the sink and carefully removed my make up.

I heard someone enter my room and by the sound of heals on the white, porcelain tiles, it wasn't so hard to guess who.

"Welcome back, Alex. I'm glad to hear the mission was a success." Amanda said as she stood in the bathroom door.

"Yes. The memory-stick with the data-ˮ I told her but she only smiled.

"Birkhoff gave it to me when you got here. Somehow, you don't look to happy about your job well done." She said and my eyes dropped to the floor. I quickly turned around to face the sink.

"Just a little tired, that's all." I lied.

"Well, why don't we get the clothes back and then quickly go through de-briefing?" She said with a warm smile.

As we carried the clothes down to her room, she talked to me about how I remind her about Nikita. Nikita too, was feeling low after each mission. Feeling very guilty.

After hanging the clothes in the huge closet, she told me to take a seat and she sat across from me.

"So Alex, this was your first mission. How did you experience it?" She asked.

"It was… different of what I expected it to be." I said and kept my eyes fixed on my hands on my lap.

"How so? What did you experience different?" She asked.

"I always thought that going on a mission would be all concentration and seriousness. In reality, it's more improvising then anything else. You have to have a plan B for everything…" I explained but it only brought back memories

"Talking about a Plan B, Alex," She said and I slowly lifted my head. "Birkhoff told me he had to improvise at a time to avoid suspicion." She raised her eyebrow.

"Yeah. So?" I asked, pretending that I didn't care.

"How'd you feel about Birkhoff kissing you?" She suddenly said and a small smile played on her mouth.

"What?" I asked her and my mouth fell open.

"Birkhoff said that since the kiss, you've been acting strangely, especially on the ride back. So, how do you feel about Birkhoff's kiss?" She asked again. I sighed. I knew I could get out of this. But that doesn't mean that I necessarily have to tell the truth.

"I… I…" I stuttered and Amanda raised her eyebrows.

"I…I feel it was necessary for the mission. If he hadn't done it, we might have been caught." I said, nodded and got up.

Amanda stood up as I made my way to the door.

"Alex?" She asked behind me, but I didn't turn around. I just walked out. I slammed the door close behind me and I felt tears forming in my eyes.

My eyes were, by now, filled with salty tears and I quickly rubbed them out. For that second or two, I didn't keep my eyes on the way and accidentally bumped into someone.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" I said, sternly, to the person.

"Jeez, sorry!" I heard who ever it was, say.

"Alex?" I turned at the voice.

"Oh…hey Birkhoff. Sorry, I thought you were a recruit." I said shyly and didn't make eye contact.

"It's fine… hey, are you okay?" He asked. I knew he saw that I was sad. My eyes were filled with tears and I sounded like I was about to cry, which I was.

"What? Oh, yeah! Of course? Why wouldn't I be?" I said, but to my luck, a small tear escaped my eyelid and rolled down my face.

His whole face dropped and I saw he was concerned.

I quickly wiped the tear away and spun around and marched off.

Once I was around the corner and out of Birkhoff's sight, I started running and didn't stop 'till I was in my room. I dropped my tired body on the bed and curled into a small ball. I sobbed uncontrollably and felt the duvet under my, become wet.

Why was I crying over Birkhoff? I didn't even cry so hard when Thom died.

When I killed him.

I cried harder. My cries echoed in my room and my eyes started burwening.

"Alex?" I heard someone outside.

"What?" I screamed and who ever it was, came in.

"What's wrong?" I heard Michael's voice.

"The bloody word is knock!" I yelled and buried my face in my pillow.

"I did…twice!" He said and I could hear the concern in his mysterious voice.

I felt his weight shift on my bed and his strong hand on my shoulder.

"G-Go a-a-away!" I stuttered through my sobs. He didn't obey me, not that I expected him to.

"Alex, why are you crying?" He asked, calm as usual.

I slowly sat up and threw my head and upper back against the wall behind me.

I wiped my eyes and saw Michael sitting in front of me.

"It… it's about the mission. I…it was going fi-fine. I persuaded Hudson into showing me the master bedroom and took him out. Bi-Birkhoff came and transferred the data, but… someone came. One of the bodyguards. While in battle, I-I hurt my arm. Birkhoff finished and we ran do-down st-stairs…" I started sobbing again.

"What then? What happened next?" He asked and scooted closer to me.

"Then…then Birkhoff asked how my arm was, 'cause there were 4 other bodyguards coming our way. I told him that I couldn't fight…and then…then he said that we had to go to Plan B…" I said, but the tears free-flowed from that point. My body started shaking again.

"He kissed you…" Michael whispered. He knew Birkhoff for a long time and taught him some mission tricks, tricks about how to pursue your target and how to get away. He knew what I meant by Plan B, because it was one of the tricks he taught Birkhoff.

I nodded and Michael took my hand.

"And I know he did it for the sake of the mission, but…"I said and bent my head down.

"Alex. I don't understand… If you knew he did it to save the mission why are you so devastated by it?" He said. I looked up to meet his eyes. With Michael, I didn't need to speak for him to know what was going on.

I gave him a small smile and started crying again, turning my head away.

He looked up to the roof and his mouth fell open.

"Oh for the love of… Alex, please don't tell me you… you like Birkhoff!"

I sniffed and wiped my face dry. I didn't face him, though. My eyes stayed fixed on the wall.

"I take that as a yes." Michael said when I didn't answer him. I felt him get up. He walked around the bed to face me. He extended a hand. When I took it, he pulled me off the bed and steered me towards the door.

"What… Where are you taking me?" I asked and protested.

"To get some food in you. It's been a long night, I'm sure you're hungry." He said.

"I'm not going to eat that food. I will surely die!" I said.

"I know. I'm taking you to our cafeteria. No one will be there this time of night." He said and opened the door for me.

We talked about the mission while walking down the hall, but when we cornered to the personal cafeteria, we came face to face with… him.

"Speak of the devil…" Michael whispered to me and my gaze shifted to in front of us. I felt my head spin and quickly looked away.

"Hi, Micky. What're you still doin' up?" He asked.

"Just walking, you know, taking a break from Amanda." Michael explained.

"What about her?" Birkoff asked.

"Oh, Alex? She was… feeling a little bit under the weather, so I thought it would be best for her to get some fresh air, too."

"Alex, what's wrong? You told me you were fine." Birkhoff asked and I looked up to meet his worried eyes.

"I was! I am. I just… I … I-ˮ I started panicking, but luckily Michael came to my rescue.

"She missed Thom. The mission brought back memories…" Michael said but Birkhoff only rolled his eyes.

"Alex, I know you miss him, but he would've wanted you to be sad over him. I think it's time to move on. All of us." He said and I shot his a hurtful look.

"Easier said then done!" I spat out.

"Alex is right. You can't just forget about it. Especially in her case…" Michael stood by me.

"I know." Birkhoff enquired.

"Oh, please Birkhoff. It's not like you've ever been in love and ended up being the reason you lost that person." Michael smiled but quickly realized what he just said.

Birkhoff slowly nodded and moved past us.

I stared after him and there turned to Michael.

"Was that completely necessary?" I asked and placed my hands on my hips. Michael stood there dumb founded.

"I didn't mean to!" He said, but I already started heading after Birkhoff.

"Birkhoff, stop!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7

(Continuation of Chapter 6)

Birkhoff, stop!"

I ran to catch up with him.

"Birkhoff! Wait!" I yelled but he ignored me flat.

As we got closer to his room, he started walking faster. I almost caught him in time, but he slammed the door shut in my face.

I hit the door with my fist.

"Damn it, Birkhoff!" I yelled. I hammered on the door.

"Alex, could you please stop that? The last thing I need now is for the rest to wake up and insult me." He said, almost whispering, so I guess he was standing against the door.

"Birkhoff, I'm not here to insult you! Yeah, so the rest give you a hard time now and then, but why do you keep comparing me with them? Isn't one person who cares about you enough?" I said, but then I heard him chuckle.

'You told me you cared. You also told me that I'm your only friend in Division. Tell me, do acquaintances usually walk hand in hand down the hallways, or is Michael just an exception?" He asked.

"Birkhoff, you know Michael and I aren't that close. He was basically consoling me. Birkhoff…I know how this looks and I know what Michael said, hurt you, but damn it, Birkhoff, I never lied to you!" I shouted.

"HA!" I heard him. His voice was lower down, which meant he was now sitting against the door. I sighed and copied his action.

"I never lied to you. Ever! When I said I cared about you, I meant it. When I said that you are the only friend I have in Division, even though Michael and I also talk and stuff, I was telling the truth. When I told you I trusted you, I meant it!" I said.

I laid my head against the door, unaware that he was doing exactly the same.

"Please let me in." I asked again and after a while I heard the door unlock. I quickly got up and he opened the door.

I walked into the room. It was way more luxurious then mine.

"I'm sorry about what Michael said…" I said.

He nodded and went to sit at his computer. I took a seat on his bed.

About ten minutes passed.

"I did have someone, you know?" He said out of the blue.

"What?" I absent-mindedly asked.

"I said I had someone… someone I once loved. And I was the reason that she died." He sat with his back to me, faced down. There was something in his hand.

"Tell me about her." I said. He stood up and took a seat next to me.

"Her name was Erin. We met in college where we both studied Law Enforcement. We met when I ran into her between classes. You know, like in movies where you help her pick up her books and you just click? It was like that." He said and stared out in front of him.

I smiled and waited for him to continue.

"She had long curly hair and blue eyes. She told me that she too was studying Law Enforcement and we realized we were in most of the same classes. But one day, while I was walking her home, a huge van pulled up and two men grabbed both of us and took off, no one saw a thing." He explained and swallowed a few time before continuing.

"We woke up in a small room, both tied up in chairs. There ware three men. They kept asking me about a guy named Dylan. I told them I didn't know any Dylan. They kept nagging about it, telling me that they know I knew him. After the hundredth time I said that I didn't, he pulled out a gun and held it against Erin's head. He asked me again. I said I really didn't know and that he didn't have to do this. He laughed and pulled the trigger. The last thing I remember was Erin's blood hitting my face. The next thing I know I'm in the hospital with Percy sitting across from me." He said.

I felt sad for his part.

He sat there, staring at the wall and I saw he had tears in his eyes. He held out a picture of her. She kind of looked like me. Her hair was only darker.

"You kind of remind me of her. Other than your looks, your bravery. When they held a gun against her head, she didn't even scream or cry. Instead she counted on me, but I couldn't save her." He said softly.

I waited a few minutes before talking again.

"Birkhoff, you tried to save her. Even if you don't believe it, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know who they were talking about. How can you talk about someone you don't know?" I tried but he only shook his head.

"If only I could know who they were talking about… she would still be here…" He whispered and looked at the floor.

Without completely thinking it through, I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.

He just sat there for a while. I felt him rest his head on my shoulder. I smiled.

"I guess someone in here knows how I feel." I said.

"It hurts, I know." He said and I released my grip on him and sat back.

"How'd you get over it?" I asked.

"I didn't. I never will. I loved her to much, but everywhere I go, I think about her. For example, earlier when I kissed you, it reminded me about the first time I kissed her." He said and I felt my heart drop.

He didn't even think about me.

I moved my eyes down. He didn't notice, though.

"That's why I said that you had to try to move on. I don't want you to never fall in love again, just because you're scared of losing them too. That's what happened to me and look where I am now. I'm alone. I have no one and I probably never will." He said and sighed.

"But Birkhoff, you'll always have me. No matter what! I know I'm not Erin and I know that you still love her, but don't say you're alone or that you don't have anyone. You do." I said and he looked at me.

"Alex?" He asked after moments of silence.

"Yes?" I said and raised my eyebrows.

"Could you…close your eyes for a sec?" He asked and I could see he was nervous.

"Um, sure, but why?" I asked.

"Just…just close 'em." He instructed. I sighed and closed my eyes.

Three seconds passed before I felt Birkhoff's lips against mine. I smiled into the kiss. I felt him place his hand on the small of my back to deepen the kiss. I threw my ams around his neck. Our lips fit perfectly together.

"Alex…" I heard a voice in my head.

"Thom?" I thought.

"Alex, what are you doing? You don't love me anymore, is that it?" I heard his voice again.

"No! I still love you; I just need to move on."

"Alex, he's only using you. He misses Erin and you just happen to be there for him."

"How would you know? Look, I like him and I care about him-ˮ

"And what about me? You're pushing me out of you're mind. I can feel it!" Thom yelled. "You killed me and when the time comes, you'll probably kill him too!" Thom shouted and then he was gone.

I felt Birkhoff hug me tighter. I need to break it off. I will NOT fall in love with Birkhoff. I'm a recruit and personal are forbidden to have a relationship with recruits.

I needed to get Birkhoff out of my mind. I needed to get over him.

It was for my own good, even though I didn't want to break it off.

What if Thom was right? What if, in another mission of crises, I kill him too?

I forced my eyes open and broke off the kiss.

"I'm sorry, I can't!" I said and pressed my forehead against his before getting up.

"I can't do this. We can't be anymore then friends. I don't want you to get in trouble." I made up an excuse and head for the door.

When I touched the handle of the door, I heard him get up.

"Alex, wait. I'm sorry; I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I know that you're still edgy about Thom…I just, you know, the emotional moment and stuff…" He said and I smiled.

"I know, but you miss Erin, Birkhoff. And you did say that I remind you of her. You were stuck in the memory. I only made it real and that's natural…" I said and my voice got softer.

"Alex…I didn't use you. I kissed you because I…" He said but stopped talking

"I…" He tried again but, like before, no words followed

I took this opportunity to get out.

"I'm sorry Birkhoff... I need to go now." I said and turned to the door.

"It's true what you said, I am scared of falling in love again." I said and walked out, shutting the door behind me.

***Dum dum DUM! So what did you think. Please review me what you thought, even if it sucked. Thank you so much, the next chapter will be up shortly!***


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

It was half past three in the morning when I snuck out of my room and tip-toed to the computer lab.

I really want to talk to Nikita and I knew that she will read he messages in the morning.

I walked extra silently on the catwalks to dodge the guards on nightshift.

When I slipped past one of the hallways, I saw that the coast was clear and I ran for my life. The whole time I sneaked around, there was a smile on my face. I loved this whole stealth thing. That's the only thing I love about Division.

I peeked around the corner of the computer lab and sighed when I saw it was empty. I gave a quick bow and then stood up strait, feet together and hand against my head.

"Mission accomplished chap!" I told myself in a Russian accent and saluted. I was so proud of myself about not getting caught that I completely forgot that the computer lab's catwalk, which I was standing on, had stairs.

I started walking, my eyes on my computer, when I felt the ground disappear under my feet and I came smashing down hard on the solid floor.

'OUCH!" I yelled when I felt my head hit something, but quickly covered my mouth. I heard someone running towards the room. I quickly got up, but became very dizzy and fell against a wall.

"The sound came from in here!" I heard one of the guards shout and I saw the lights from the flashlights come closer.

In the distance, I heard door creek open and I felt a grip on my arm.

I was being pulled. Pulled away from the lights and everything was spinning around me. I felt being picked up and then everything went dark.

I could ear the sound of hard breathing and footsteps I the distance. I felt my body being lowered onto the cold ground. I wanted to talk, but when I made a weak sound, I felt my mouth being covered.

Before I passed out, I heard my name being whispered.

After 5 hours or so, I woke up in my room. The first thing I saw was the blinding lights on my roof. I quickly closed my eyes again and licked my lips. I was really thirsty but I couldn't get up to get water.

When did I get here? I passed out in the computer lab. Did one of the guards get me, maybe?

I slowly opened my eyes and blinked a few times until my eyes adapted to the sudden bright light. I could speak.

"Mmm…" I mourned and felt a slight headache forming.

"Good. You're awake." I heard someone talking. I slowly twisted my head and saw a figure. Definitely male, but my sight was still blurred.

Who ever it was, came closer and passed me a glass of water with a straw.

I could only make out the clothes the person was wearing.

Not Michael or Percy. And know recruit would be here, so that left…

"Birk…hoff?" I asked, my dry mouth and sore throat prevented me to say his name right.

"Don't speak. You have to rest." I saw him move away but I grabbed his arm.

"Please…don't go." I asked through my exhaustion.

I heard him sigh and pull up my desk chair to my bed.

I tried to smile as he leaned on his elbow on his chair.

My eyes quickly fell close and it wasn't long before I was fast asleep.

My dreams flowed lucidly through my mind.

_**Computer lab…Nikita**_

"_**Mission accomplished chap!"**_

"_**Ouch!" My head hurt.**_

_**Lights…voices.**_

"_**The sound…from here!"**_

_**Dark. Dark room. Breathing. **_

"_**Alex? Are you okay?" **_

_**Being carried again.**_

"_**Help! Get me a doctor." I was being ran with.**_

"_**What happened?" **_

"_**She told me earlier that she didn't feel good. She was feeling light headed today. I found her in the hallway. I think she fell!" **_

"_**Birkhoff, calm down! She'll be fine. Here, let me take her!" **_

"_**NO, I'm not going to let you take her, Michael. I need to take her to make sure she's okay."**_

"_**She needs stitches!" I heard Michael shout.**_

"_**Fine, but I won't let her sleep in the infirmary! She hates it there." **_

"_**How would you know what she hates? You don't even know her!" Michael growled.**_

"_**You two will be standing there fighting when she dies!" I heard the doctor's voice.**_

"_**Make it quick, Doc. She has to wake up in her room, otherwise she'll go nuts." **_

"_**Birkhoff she needs medical attention!" **_

"_**Then supply me! I have to stay with her. I have to…" Birkhoff whispered.**_

"_**Why? You don't care about her. You only care about yourself." **_

"_**No, Michael. YOU only care about yourself and I only care about her. So if you'll excuse me, I need to take Alex to her room." I heard Birkhoff argue. Suddenly I was lifted up and laid down again after a while.**_

I woke up in my bed again. I was now much more aware of my surroundings. I looked at my watch again.

It's been two hours since I first woke up.

Was what I just dreamed, real? Did that really happen when I blacked out? Was it possible for me to have woken up and heard what they were saying?

If it did happen… did Birkhoff mean what he said to Michael? About caring about me?

Speaking of Birkhoff…

I turned my head to the location where Birkhoff sat earlier before I fell asleep.

He was lying on the bed with his head and chest. He must have past out while sitting there. I smiled and raised my hand to play with his hair.

I like him this way. Quiet, under control. Not his usual bossy and arrogant self.

I heard him whisper something. I couldn't quite hear.

"Alex… Alex…" He whispered. "I have to… take her to...room. She hates it in…medic lab… Only care about yourself…I…care…Alex…" He kept on.

My dream was real! I did wake up and hear those things.

'Birkhoff." I said and gently shook him.

He didn't wake up, only made whine sounds.

"Birkhoff!" I said a little louder.

His head and upper body jerked up.

"What? Where? It wasn't me!" He said and then saw I woke him up.

"Hey... are you… feeling any better?" He asked and shook his head.

"Tons, actually!" I said, way more awake then earlier.

He got up and leaned over me to check my head injury. I looked up to his chocolate brown eyes. He was looking at my stitches.

"So… you did those yourself, huh?" I asked and he looked down.

"What?" He asked.

"The stitches. You did them yourself, didn't you?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I did. How'd you know?" He asked.

"…Just a guess." I said and I looked at my bedroom door.

"Oh, okay. Wait, they don't hurt, do they?" He asked, anxious.

"N-No. Of course not." I said and he thinned his eyes.

"Okay, well anyway, you're recovering quickly, so I give you a week and a half until full recovery. For the rest of today and tomorrow, you, unfortunately, have to stay in bed to get over the worst dizziness and black outs." He said and took a seat again.

"Damn." I said and lay back in my pillows. I stared up to the roof. I hated being sick or hurt. It meant that I have to remain in my room.

"And Amanda instructed me to check up on you every hour or so." He said and tilted his head to see my reaction. A small smile played on his lips.

Damn, he was such a tease!

I nodded and then frowned.

"Why do you have to check up on me so much and why do I have to stay in here for do long?" I asked and he stood up to give me my hand mirror.

As I took it, I moved my eyes from his, to the glass.

I gasped when I saw my reflection.

My whole forehead was a shade of blue. There was a huge bandage covered the half of my head and the right side. It covered the stitches.

"Wow…how many stitches?" I asked and stared at my head, shocked.

"26. The wound stretches from you're eyesocket to behind the tip of your ear."

"OH! And, uh," I said and cleared my throat, "What exactly was the cause for this?" I asked.

"Your clumsiness finally got the best of you and you actually fell down five steps and hit your head on the edge of one of the tables." He explained.

"But luckily I had you to save me!" I said, but his face just went white.

"How…How did you know that I saved you?" He asked.

"Well, here's the thing… I think I might have 'woken up'." I said, making air quotes with my hands.

"Might have woken up?" He asked.

"Yeah, look, I stood up after falling and saw lights coming my way-ˮ I explained.

"The guards." He said.

"Yes. I suddenly felt someone pull me into the janitor's closet. That's when I first thought it was you. Only you knew about it. Then I blacked out. And I think I might have woken up while you were running me to the medic lab." I said.

"How can you be certain? I mean, you could've just imagined it-ˮ He kept trying to tell me that it didn't happen.

"You told Michael that he only cared about himself." I said loudly.

He kept covering it up.

"So, I always tell him that he's selfish and that he only thinks about himself. That…that doesn't prove anything!" He said and crossed his arms.

"Well, yeah that's true. So I guess you always tell him that you only cared about me, too." I said and turned on my side to face away from him.

"Okay, so you DID wake up…crap." He said softly.

I didn't respond. I just kept my back turned to him.

"Okay fine, if it would make you feel any better…I… I care about you. There! I said it." He said and I smiled, happy.

"You really are one of a kind!" I said and turned back on my back.

"I get that a lot." He said, looking sad.

"I meant that in a good way, like on the mission when you were all 'Alex, four-o-clock.' And hiding a gun in the belt at the back of your pants. All that was needed was for you to say 'the name's Birkhoff… Seymour Birkhoff, 008'." I laughed.

"Yeah yeah, very funny!" He smiled and I laughed harder. After a while I heard him joining my laughter.

"And then, when trouble came… you trusted Michael's advice and kissed me to avoid suspicion. " I laughed but I didn't hear his voice anymore.

I looked and he tilted his head.

"How did you know Michael gave me that advice?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah. When you saw Michael and me in the hallways, he kind of lied for me. He said I was missing Thom. I wasn't. I was… Well, since we are having this honest moment…I was sad because of the kiss. Michael came to console me and I told him that you kissed me to save the mission. And I knew that he trained you and that he learnt you to do that…" I was having a hard time to find the right words.

"Oh." He said and sharply inhaled. "Why were you sad about it?" He asked but I ignored him.

"There's some things in this world that I don't discuss, and that is one of them." I said and yawned and stared at the roof.

I was still very tired and dizzy. I really should get more sleep.

Suddenly, he took my hand in his.

"Why are you holding my hand?" I asked and eyed him strangely.

"Alex…There are some things in this world that I don't discuss," He said.

"And this is one of them." I heard him say and I smiled before I fell asleep.

Happy.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9

For the first time in months, I couldn't wait to wake up in Division every morning.

I had a total different outlook on life and the negatives of it.

Hell, even Jaden looked more like a friend then an enemy.

It might have something to do with the nerdy, weird, eccentric, perfectionist, cute and show-off computer geek, though. Ever since I lost Thom, I was depressed and aggressive, but then Birkhoff showed up and, well… everything changed.

I was free to leave my room since yesterday and I had a lot of catching up to do. I, for once during lunch, didn't even bother to whine about the disgusting food and, with my plate in my hand, quickly rushed to the table which had the biggest group of gossipers.

Unfortunately, Jaden was one of them, but like I said, I saw her as a friend now.

Of course, she doesn't feel the same way about me.

One of the girls sitting at the table, Dianne, spotted me heading their way and motioned me to sit with them. I gratefully took the offer and sat on the only empty seat.

"Alex!" Everyone on the table greeted me with smiles. Everyone except Jaden, but that wasn't important. I needed to know what was newly going on in Division, for I was also one of the mayor gossipers.

"Hi, guys!" I said with a smile and everyone asked me if I felt better and if my head still hurts.

"Well, it hurts a little bit, but I'll survive! So, what did I miss while I was out?" I asked.

In Division, the words "What did I miss while I was out?" meant "Give me the juicy information that I pray on!"

"Everything is, like, real quiet. I mean, like, nothings happening as if this was a ghost town!" Irene, with the fiery red, curly hair, said.

"Yeah, nothing juicy. Just the regular fight between Michael and Birkhoff, you know, like they always-ˮ Dianne said but I interrupted her.

"Wh-what fight?" I asked.

"Birkhoff didn't tell you?" Jaden asked out of the blue.

"No…he didn't tell me anything. Why, what happened?" I asked her.

"It was huge. In front of all the recruits. Of course, we didn't pretty much have a choice then to listen, it wasn't like they were talking softly, They were shouting. On a sound scale of one to ten, probably an seven!" Jaden explained, suddenly forgetting that she hated me.

"What were they fighting about?" I asked.

"Not really sure. All we know is that they came in shouting about something and I'm pretty sure I heard your name more then once." Jaden said.

"But…didn't Birkhoff, like, take care of you for the last couple of days. I'm sure, somehow, you gained his trust, like, why don't you go find out from the source. The most of us don't really care, because obviously they weren't fighting about us!" Irene asked and wiped a red curl out of her face.

"I'll try. Umm, thanks guys for the help. Could you maybe throw this out for me?" I asked and placed the plate in the middle of the table and got up, heading for the stairs.

"Hey, where are you going?" Dianne shouted.

"You guys made me curious about what went on. I'm gonna go find Birkhoff, figure out what went on!" I said, waved and ran down the hallway.

As I ran to the personal computer lab, my mind was being rushed by a train of thoughts.

Did Michael and Birkhoff really fight? Did they fight about me or what Birkhoff said to Michael the night I hurt myself? Was it just their annual argument?

I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts. I almost missed the personal computer lab and I barely fell into the room. It was almost empty.

Almost.

The endless typing of a keyboard cut through the silence in the room. I quickly walked in and cornered to where Birkhoff sat.

He looked like he always did. Focused and dangerous.

"Hey." I said simply and he turned.

"Oh, hey Alex. What brings you here?" He asked and turned to continue his typing.

"The fight between you and Michael. Care to elaborate?" I asked and folded my arms. I could see his fist ball. He slowly got up and leaned against one of the tables with his one hand and the other was being moved across his tired face.

'That bitch Jaden told you, didn't she?" He said and something in his eyes scared me.

"Birkhoff…what's happening to you? As a matter of fact, that 'bitch' and I are getting along better. She trusts me enough to tell me you and Michael had a fight, worse, in front of all the other recruits. This has to stop." I said and shook my head in disagreement.

"So now…you are going to tell me what to do? Did you hit your head a second time?" He asked and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but next time you have a fight, make sure not to mention my name!" I said and marched away.

"Alex…wait." I heard him say miserably as I almost walked out of the door.

"What do you want?" I shouted and through my hands in the air.

I walked over to the table he was leaning on.

"What do you want?" I asked again, softer this time.

He didn't answer and I was running low on patience. With my fist, I hit the table surface.

"Damn it! Why do you keep doing this to me? I simply come to ask you about the fight and you work me up like this. Is it fun to see me suffer. Is that it, huh?" I asked and fell down into a seat and held my head in my hands.

"Michael and I were in a disagreement about occurring events. He kept nagging that I'm the last person who should be taking care of one of Divisions finest since Nikita. I told him that if he was going to talk about Nikita all day he was welcome to go do it elsewhere…" He explained. I could hear he wanted to continue with the story, but didn't.

I nodded and, with my hand, I motioned for him to go on. He sighed.

"So, we got in a little fight. Nothing serious, until called me a user-ˮ

"What's a user?" I asked.

"Users… are people you practically use certain people to get something out of it. We often have them here. Michael is under the wild impression that since you remind us both of Nikita, that I was trying to get to you." He said.

"Trying to get to me, how?" I asked and he cleared his throat.

"Umm g-get t-to you, as in…umm…sort of, like, make yo-you fall in love wi-with me…" He was stuttered. He was so adorable when he stuttered.

"Are you?" I asked and his eyes widened.

"Am I what?" He asked, confused.

"Trying to get to me?" I asked and I saw he was a little tense.

He swallowed a few times before speaking again.

"N-no, I'm not trying t-to get to you…" He said, but it sounded more like he was trying to assure himself that.

I smiled and got up.

"No more fighting. Please, unless it's absolutely necessary, okay?" I asked and stood very close to him. He only nodded.

"And I'm not a user. I'm not trying to get to you, okay?" He asked. I nodded and he took his things, but quickly stopped.

"Before I leave, I just want you to know that you definitely got to me." He smiled and walked off.

"Wait, what?" I shouted to him, but he was already gone.

I got to him?

If 'getting to you' meant making you fall in love with someone.

Did 'you got to me' then mean that… he's in love with me?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry for taking so long. This chapter has very little Alex/Birkhoff, but read it anyways, if you want. It would only make things easier for us both. Thanks!

Sitting on my bed, I thought about everything that happened a few hours ago. Why did he have to say that? Everything between us was fine. We were friends who had a…glitch, so to speak. I only helped him to find some closure. Now he tells me that I got to him, which, as he simple explained meant falling in love. He's in love with me?

Not that I'm complaining, I mean, I really like him. He's sweet and witty and saved my life.

I growled and wildly shook my head until my hair came out of my ponytail and wrapped around my delicate face.

I looked around my room and my brown eyes fell on the vase of get-well-soon flowers from Michael. Why did he give me those anyway? Ah well, beats me.

I removed one of the roses from the bunch and sat crossed-leg on my bed, facing the door.

I started pulling out the petals.

"He loves me… He loves me not… He loves me… He loves me not…" I recited the words each time I dropped a red petal on the white sheets.

"Alex?" I heard Michael's voice.

I jumped at the sudden strong voice and nearly fell off of my bed. I screamed as I lost balance, dangling on the edge of my bed and the solid floor.

"Alex! Are you okay?" I heard him again.

"Um, yeah, um come in!" I shouted and Michael didn't need to be asked twice.

He, unhesitant, opened my door and walked in as soon as I settled against the bed frame behind my pillows.

"So how was your first day back in society?" He asked, his serious face was clearly visible.

"Michael… you make it sound like I was in here for a month!" I giggled and sat up.

"And it didn't feel that way?" He asked and tilted his head.

"Touché. So… do you need something or is this just a friendly visit?" I asked with a smile.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay." He said and looked down.

"I'm… fine, Michael. Thanks." I said and looked at the rose petals on the bed. I gathered them and threw them in the vase, making them float on the water.

"You sure didn't seem fine earlier." He said and raised an eyebrow.

"Earlier…Wait, how do you know about that?" I asked and got up.

"Oh, you know, just passing through the hall. Coincidentally walking past the computer lab and saw you and Birkhoff and heard the whole thing." He said and crossed his arms.

"No, not coincidentally hearing. Eavesdropping." I said and frowned.

"Okay, so I listened to everything. That's what they teach you in here, isn't it. Besides, you two were technically about me, so I had every right to know what it was about."

"Yeah, speaking of which. When are you two going to stop being so childish? I mean, come on! You expect us to be afraid of you, but you throw tantrums in front of other recruits?" I laughed and turned to walk over to the mirror to fix my hair.

I didn't reach my destination, though.

"I'm not finished with you yet!" I heard him say and, at first, I didn't turn until he made me.

He grabbed my arm and spun me around and steered me to the nearest wall. His one hand on my arm and the other on my neck. He didn't hurt me, just kept me in place so I could listen.

I don't blame him though. I wouldn't have listened otherwise.

"Now you listen to me, Alex. I did not throw a tantrum. Birkhoff did that part for me. I wasn't the one being childish, he was. All because I tried to protect you-ˮ He said I shook my head.

"Protect me? From what? I computer whiz who clearly has more class then you? Gee, thanks for protecting me from such a huge threat." I gave him a fake smile.

"Alex, I've known him for much longer then you. I know how his mind works." He said and gave me a threatening look.

"Clearly better then yours." I said and tried to escape from his tight grip, but I didn't succeed.

"I'm still talking to you!" He growled and I started getting a little bit scared.

"Michael, you're hurting me!" I said and he removed his hands from my neck and placed it on my other arm.

"Sorry. I got a little carried away. Look, I don't want you to get hurt. I don't wanna lose you too. I already lost Nikita and now…" He whispered but fell silent and looked down. He really missed her. He loved her.

"Michael, I assure you that I can take care of myself."

"Don't try to assure me if you are still trying to assure yourself." He said and still looked down.

"Whatever, and besides, I know the rules of Division." I said and he looked up. I was so confused by this whole thing; I didn't even hear the door open.

"And what is that?" Michael asked.

"No relationships. I've been here long enough to know that! I know that with Thom, I maybe wasn't that loyal, but… he's gone now. It won't happen again." I said. I've never lied so much in one sentence.

"Good to know." He said and let go of my arms and turned to the door. I smiled and I frowned and followed his gaze.

My whole heart dropped as I saw who was in the door.

With his usual clothes and messy hair, he stood in the half-opened door and he probably heard the whole thing.

Oh no.

He heard me say that I know that the rules say no relationships and that the thing with Thom won't happen again.

He just smiled at me and closed the door.

"You knew he was there! You knew and still you didn't warn me!" I cried. He only threw his hands up in defence.

"Hey, don't blame me. You were the one who just said that it would never happen again!" He said, but something in his eyes said that he didn't mean to.

"But-ˮ

"It's for your own good. And his." Michael said.

I ran to the door and jerked it open.

"I'm sorry…" Michael said before I ran after Birkhoff.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 11:

A/N: Sorry for updating this late, summer's over and we're back to school :(

"Birkhoff, wait!" I shouted, lungs almost out of breath as I ran after him.

"Birkhoff, you don't understand! Please just let me explain!" I shouted again.

He jogged away faster and I was now completely out of breath.

I bent over and rested the palms of my hands on my tired knees. I felt warm, salty teats roll down my cheeks.

Why did he have to hear that? Why did he have to arrive on that moment? Why did Michael do this to me?

I felt guilt taking over my stomach and heart.

I jerked my head up and started running again. I sprinted towards him as he closed in on his door.

I sprinted as if my life depended on it.

Then Birkhoff did something I didn't expect.

He stopped jogging and turned around to face me.

Unfortunately, my legs couldn't slow down fast enough and I smashed into him.

At least he was standing very close to the door, so him crashed into it.

I heard him inhale sharply.

"Ow." He said plainly.

"Oh my soul, Birkhoff are you okay?" I asked and tried to recover from the hard blow.

"Mm, yeah I'm fine." He said, but he was lying.

"I'm so so sorry!" I said. I wasn't sure for what I was apologizing the most. For hurting him physically or emotionally.

"It's fine. It's... fine." He said softly, but was still gasping for air. I wrapped my left arm around him and opened the door. I supported him to his bed and helped him sit down.

"Okay, where does it hurt?" I asked. He only smiled a soft smile and motioned he was okay.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked, more relaxed.

"Water." He spat out through the deep breaths.

I ran to his bathroom and brought back a glass of cool water.

After he slowly emptied the glass, I sat down next to him. I was still feeling extremely guilty about everything that happened.

"Birkhoff?" I said and was shocked by the way my voice sounded sad.

"Yeah?" He said. He was looking at the door.

"What happened in my room earlier... I promise it's not what you think. I couldn't very well tell Michael that I'm in lo-" I casually said, but cut myself short just in time before revealing something that not even I knew.

"What?" He asked and turned his head to face me, confusion written all over his face.

"Nothing..." I said immediately and tried to hide the deep red color that was spreading over my delicate face.

" I understand. Michael shouldn't know that I'm in love with you. I understand your actions." He said, but that five words made my heart, for some reason, beat wildly.

"You're in love with me?" I asked and, even though I expected it, I couldn't help feeling so happy.

"Umm, well... I uh... Yes." He stuttered and then returning to his unusual shy state.

I sighed and smiled.

Next I did something I didn't expect myself to do. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a very, very tight hug. I could feel his heart beating fast and confusion was radiating from his body but I didn't let go of him.

"I so sorry if I hurt you, Birkhoff!" I said, feeling tears forming in my eyes again.

"You didn't. I know that you did it to protect me. But I also know you were lying to Michael..." He said and I could almost hear the cocky smirk on his face.

"How do you know?" I asked, little shocked.

"Alex, I knew you were lying because if you weren't, why would you be hugging me right now?" I smiled at his snide comment.

"Birkhoff, can I ask you something?" I asked and he raised an eyebrow.

"What do you want to ask me?" He asked.

"What would you do If I told you I love you?" I asked and smiled at his shy face.

After a few moments of silence, he turned to me.

"This." He said simply.

He cupped my face and gently removed a strand of hair lying on my face.

He slowly moved is face towards mine and without hesitation, closed the gap between us.

My whole body started shivering and I leaned into the kiss. I threw my arms around his neck.

Our lips matched perfectly and I smiled against his lips.

He broke the kiss and leaned closer to his ears.

"You definitely got to me, Birkhoff..."


End file.
